3 Years Alcohol-Free - My Top 3 Life-Changing Lessons

Have you ever wondered what life could be like without alcohol?

Three years ago, I made the life-changing decision to eliminate alcohol from my life. This choice has led me to a journey of self-discovery and holistic wellness that I never imagined was possible. My relationship with alcohol was deeply ingrained in social activities, stress relief, and even celebration. Witnessing the negative impact it had on my life and my family pushed me to seek a healthier alternative. Today, I'm sharing my top three lessons learned during this transformative journey to help inspire and guide others who may be considering a similar path.

Lesson 1: It Was Never About the Alcohol

For over 20 years, alcohol was deeply woven into my identity, from my college days as a party girl to a suburban soccer mom who loved her wine and craft beer. I used alcohol to socialize, cope, reward myself, and connect. It became such a staple that I didn't know who I was without it. Starting from my teenage years, I bypassed the challenges of growing up and never developed essential coping and social skills because drinking was normalized and encouraged.

Through self-reflection, personal development, courses, coaching, and inner work, I realized that my relationship with alcohol mirrored my relationship with myself. I had a poor self-image, and alcohol allowed me to hide behind a facade, numbing my insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. This battle led to depression and anxiety, and I even felt so low that I wished for an escape.

The turning point came when I recognized that stopping alcohol wouldn't solve everything; I needed to heal my inner self. Journaling, reading spiritual books, meditating, and being vulnerable were key to this healing journey. I learned that maintaining a healthy relationship with myself leaves no room for toxicity. It's an ongoing journey, but aligning with my spirit, values, and dreams means there's no space for alcohol. Shame didn't help me stop drinking but highlighted my misalignment. Taking a break from alcohol was necessary to achieve peace, clarity, and wellness, allowing me to truly listen to my body's messages and stay present.

Lesson 2: Freedom Is an Inside Job

Freedom isn't just an external circumstance; it's about internal liberation. I used to think freedom meant doing what you want or being free from something like gluten or sugar. When I first heard "alcohol-free," I thought it simply meant being sober. But being physically free from something like alcohol doesn't equate to internal freedom.

Many sobriety programs only focus on eliminating the substance, assuming the person will be cured. However, true freedom isn't just avoiding alcohol; it's not being fixated on it. It's reaching a state of neutrality where you have no desire for it and no attachment to it.

To achieve this, you must also be free with alcohol in your life. In the early days of my sobriety, I avoided situations involving alcohol out of anger and frustration. Over time, I learned to coexist with it, setting healthy boundaries instead of requiring everyone to join me in abstinence.

True freedom is accepting that alcohol will always be part of society, but it doesn't have to dominate your life. Now, I have compassion for others' choices and understand that freedom from alcohol doesn't mean eliminating it entirely from my life.

What freedom looks like in my life now?

I am free from:
- Shame
- Self-loathing
- Fixation on drinking or not drinking - Blackouts

- Embarrassment
- Pretending I’m okay - Hangovers
- Anxiety

I am free to:
- Be the real me
- Express myself authentically
- Find joy in little things
- Feel my emotions
- Give my children my presence

Lesson 3: Happiness Over Pleasure

Over the last three years, I’ve realized I spent three decades seeking pleasure without feeling truly fulfilled. Pleasure and happiness are not the same. Our brain instinctively avoids pain and chases pleasure to ensure our survival. Pain signals potential harm, while pleasure suggests nourishment and joy. However, our brains can be misled, making quick assessments based on past experiences and body feedback.

Dopamine, the learning molecule, encourages us to repeat pleasurable activities. Modern society offers artificial dopamine hits through phones, gambling, online shopping, processed foods, drugs, and alcohol. Our brain treats these as beneficial, demanding more of them.

Happiness, however, isn’t about constant bliss. It’s a lifestyle choice, embracing each moment for what it is. It involves accepting sensations, feelings, and stressors and knowing that it’s all okay. When I was drinking, I constantly sought an altered state because my happiness baseline was off. Simple joys like a sunset or a breeze on my face couldn’t compete with the fleeting euphoria from alcohol.

Now, I cherish simple pleasures that offer natural but lasting dopamine hits. A hug from my child can lift my spirits for hours, and watching hummingbirds is no longer boring but awe- inspiring. I’m happier than ever, finding something to appreciate daily. Fulfillment comes from creating, connecting, and serving. My happiness stems from connections with God, myself, and others. I find joy in love, nourishment, and service. Happiness is now my baseline, far more valuable than any short-lived thrill.

Conclusion

In conclusion, these three life lessons continue to show up in my life daily. It was never about the alcohol; it was about my relationship with myself. Every day, I engage in practices that foster self-compassion and acceptance, such as journaling, meditation, walks in nature, and prayer. It wasn't really alcohol that I craved but the fun times, deep connections, community, and being fully myself. Now, I am more fulfilled than ever because I prioritize what truly matters.

Freedom truly is an inside job. With any habit or addiction, without doing the inner work and reaching a place of total neutrality, it’s only a matter of time before some life event derails you, and the habit reignites with a vengeance. True freedom means no longer being activated by what you were once strongly attached to.

Happiness is better than pleasure. While pleasure can be part of happiness, seeking pleasure alone to be happy is a relentless chase, akin to pursuing an ever-elusive high. Lasting happiness comes from accepting and embracing the fullness of life.

These past three years have been the most profound of my life. I've learned more about myself than I ever anticipated. I am stronger than I thought, always free, and genuinely happy with life, no matter what happens. It just keeps getting better.

"The only journey is the journey within." — Rainer Maria Rilke